Understand this; my life of being in Christ means I sacrifice myself daily.

Jacob Cavin wants to make millions developing iOS applications. He wants to move to a nice, small city, and live out his days alone in an apartment with a dog. He wants to save money to buy a Tesla and spend all he has on cool tech products.

Jacob Cavin wants to ignore the apostasy in the visible church. He wants to live a simple, safe life of being content with sitting under lies from the pulpit. He wants to be comfortable. He wants to sing the silly songs that worship himself as he always has, and not be looked at like a fool. It does not matter if he’s being lied to, as long as he feels comfortable. He wants to sit in willing ignorance, as long as he does not have to make hard decisions and have uncomfortable conversations.

Jacob Cavin wants to please everyone. He wants no one to think he is foolish, he wants all to love him. He doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him. He doesn’t want to say the hard things. He does not want to love everyone. He wants to make every decision in his own self-interest. He wants all that he does to be to his benefit, as he wants, and as he wills.

No, but God.

No. Now that God is giving me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4), I want a wife for the glory of God. I want kids for the glory of God. I want to live on land for the glory of God. I want to work my land and build stone walls to the glory of God. I want to devote all I have to the glory of God; my work, my family, my leisure, and my existence. As Paul says,

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God

1 Corinthians 10:31

No. By His sovereign grace, which I don’t deserve, my entire life is for Him. He does not need anything from me, though I need to glorify and raise up His holy name. I want His name to be revered because that is what He deserves. Not because He needs me to defend His name but, because I am in Him, I don’t have a choice but to defend His holy name. He is everything to me. I love Him more than life, it’s because of Him that I live. I will defend Him until the day I die, or until the day no one will be able to deny who He is.

Know this; I understand that by talking about God publicly, I am signing my death certificate. I know that by sharing of Him and not the false, white-washed, man-created Jesus that the vast majority of American evangelicals worship, I am willingly marching down a road that will more than likely lead to my public execution.

I don’t have many readers, but whether 1,000 people or 10 read my words, I am publishing them publicly and I’m doing it on purpose. When Christianity is outlawed, which it will be, I have purposely set myself in a position to, without a doubt, tie myself to the true Jesus. I am intentional in what I am doing. I am knowingly signing up to starve, be tortured, and ultimately be burned at the stake as so many before me have been. I am striving, more and more, to live by the words from Revelation, which say,

Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Revelation 2:10

I Am Not My Own

My life is no longer my own. I mean every word of that. My existence has never been up to my own will, but now I understand that. I can see it.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19–20

Think about it… my life is not my own. Everything I know about my own existence is owned by Another. What I want does not matter anymore. I have become aware that the old Jacob Cavin is rubbish. His desires are totally foolish.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

Philippians 3:8

I see now that God’s desires for me, for all things, and supremely more wise and more important than any meager idea I could ever conjure. The way I feel about things does not matter, the way God decrees does.

Now, I sacrifice my old self daily. Not perfectly, I eagerly await the day that I will be perfected. And not out of a worthless commitment to a works-based salvation, but because I have been saved. I have been regenerated and converted, I now see what God wills as the ultimate, sound, good direction for my life. I delight in His glorious sovereignty. So now, what I want has become what He wants. My desires, day by day, conform to His desires. As Jacob Cavin disappears, His desires become more strongly manifest in me. I would not have it any other way.